Second thoughts

My husband is having second thoughts about him having surgery.

I knew when we first began discussing this that he had reservations.  He told me that he wasn't comfortable with someone rearranging his insides in non-Life or Death scenario.  And he worried about the complication, and the lasting changes he would have to make; there are some foods he may never be able to eat again.  He mentioned the possibility of drug-aided weight loss.  So I knew that he wasn't sure.  And that is okay.  I made it clear that I still planned on having surgery, but that he had to make his own decision.

Then. he started the process of getting approved for surgery, he went to the informational session and has had his first dietitian visit.  We discussed what losing the weight would be like, getting off our medications and hurting less, things we could now do and places we could go.  He talked about having surgery as if it was a sure thing to other people.  I started to feel like we were in this together.  Shared experiences, not just sharing my journey.

Then the other night, he said something that indicated he might not have surgery.  I don't remember his exact words, but I remember mine.  I regret my first reaction which was, "You better not back out now!"  He retorted, "Or What?"  And I had no answer to that really.  He does need to make his own decision.  I don't want him to regret his choice, and I certainly don't want him to blame me in the future for feeling like I forced him into it.  And if, God forbid, something does go wrong, then I would have my own guilt on top of that to deal with.

Bariatric surgery is a major, life changing choice.  It isn't for everyone.  Yes, a part of me is scared too.  I want to be healthier though, not to mention thinner.  It has taken me 5 years of seriously thinking about it to come to the conclusion that for me, it is the best option.